I was just reading all my blog posts in the month of october, last year. Haha, gosh, i used to write such long posts! I'd almost forgotten that. haha. So, in light of all this reminiscing, i shall try to make this one rival all my previous posts in terms of length.


I was talking about looking for jobs just now. Actually, Huda already offered me a possible job, which i hope to obtain a position in. It sounded pretty okay. so why not, right?


But anyway, moving on from such worldly things. haha. you know, i almost forgot i used to write. i mean, i just wrote that i was making a little progress earlier on. But while reading those posts from a few months back, it suddenly struck me how in love i was with the art of putting words together back then. How different i am right now from who i was.


The amount of change is astounding really. Maybe it's the outcome of such a prolonged period of inactivity. Even so, i don't think i quite like it.
There's no joy, or passion in my life. Especially passion. I read more to pass time than to really indulge in the beauty of storytelling.


Well, i'm going to do something about this. At least, breath some life back into my being. You've only got one life after all, live it. Haven't people said it often enough for me to remember?


You know, typing all these, i think i can finally understand why some people find it almost difficult to remain happy in life. No, not to remain, to even be happy to begin with. I've always been happy. Even when i wasn't all smiles and laughter, i was generally happy with myself, my life and the people i have around me. But maybe, just this once, i get a glimpse of understanding what people mean when they say, ' happiness is difficult to attain '


Which makes me wonder, is acquiring happiness one of the reasons to live life? As a muslim, the reason behind our existence is simple: to worship God. But you'll have to pardon me, i'm not the most religious of people, even if i would really like to be. But because of my flaw in my faith, i sometimes forget that. And i question myself: really, why do we live?


Is it to be happy? Since happiness is something people over-emphasize on? I don't quite know for certain.


And i'm rambling, and rambling, and am making no sense at all. But it feels good anyway to not make sense. it feels great. it's just going on and on in no particular direction. just me, myself, and these fingers applying pressure onto the keyboards to form the words that appear on the monitor.


gosh i feel liberated.


Sorry to be abrupt, but i've been staring at the screen in the darkness for way too long, and i know it's not good to do that. Spoils your eyesight and all. So, i'll just end right here. Here's a reminder to myself, finish that story i was writing about, and post it, I mean, why not? it's only my friends who read this. people important enough for me to trust and to keep close.


I have a bad habit of distancing people from myself. And of simply deleting people from my life. My aunt says i'm too blunt, shrewd and cocky for my won good. Am i really? Blunt, cocky and shrewd? No really, tell me? Coz when she said that, i didn't quite know what to think, but a tiny part in me was actually rejoicing at her choice of words. To me, those words speak of confidence and a self-assuredness i'd like to have present in me. And if people think i do have that, well, i'm not imagining it am i?


Anyway, enough of this incessant ranting. hehe. i'm off to bed. Goodnight all you wonderful people.