I'm feeling particularly emotional this morning. Maybe it has something to do with the somewhat sad music i'm listening to. But really.


I've been chatting with Iylia the past few minutes. We were supposed to go out tomorrow, but that got cancelled. last time, it was me who had to change our plans, this time it's her. And, while we're still talking, and trying to make time for each other, that seems quite alright.


but it hit me, as i wait for her to reply to my words. It takes her a few minutes each time, obviously busy with some other task at hand. but as it is, without school, and the busyness of life getting in the way, it already has.


this is without school obligations or holiday trips. this is simply sorting out time between the multitude of friends she has, her own family and herself.


at this rate, i've already become an old friend. what about the other people in my life? i've become as distant to them, as that thing they've always wanted to do, but never seemed to have the time to actually get it done.


my presence will gnaw at the back of their mind, but they're too busy to do much about it right now. maybe tomorrow. or how about next week, ' i'm certain i can squeeze you in then. '


surely, i can wait? surely, i know how much they still love and think of me, but a cup of coffee is too hard to have these days. not with an old friend.


same goes for me. how many good friends have faded in the the background of my life? how long can we keep this stretched friendship going on, before we finally evolve into , no longer a friend, but an acquaintance?


the reality of it all, is quite shocking. i must have been naive, to think the term
' friends forever ' existed. maybe that term is exclusively for that one or two best friend. but it cannot possibly cover your entire network of friends.


we lead such busy lives. so much so, we lose ourselves in it, and silently, without realising it, we break ties with people whom we've once sworn eternal companionship. and when we finally settle down from the whirlwind we were sucked in, so much has passed. too many missed opportunities, too many wasted chances.


has it always been this way? it seems to distinctly new to me. a concept too real and painful to grasp, but an inevitability of life. something we have to accept anyway, someday.


i feel so deeply wounded, suddenly.