reading a book, with lovely music playing in the background is most wonderful really. I was watching tv earlier on, with my mother, and the advertisement for the phantom of the opera, or poto, came on.


immediately, i asked her if i could go. presenting my case as to why i should, and why she absolutely must let me go.


So currently, i am listening to the soundtrack for the poto movie. albeit softly though, my sister is sleeping.


it's been raining for most the day, so it's pleasantly cool right now. haha, i'm in the mood for contemplation. yesterday i was all set out to discuss the movie maryam, mardhiah and i had watched in the morning. letters from iwo jima. i wanted to write down my thoughts, but really, it was too distressing simply thinking about it.


i don't know what crossed the minds of my friends when i told them, that at several points during the film, i actually cried. i hoped they hadn't judged me as a weakling or something of that sort. but, i really couldn't help myself. i can't really comprehend the reason for those tears myself, except that, i really, really hate to see people die in that sort of situation.


it was really a countdown to that final moment when everyone would finally cease to live. what more, in a war context, where something not unlike this has actually really happened years back. just the thought, well, i'm not good with deaths then, i guess.


funny thing is, give me a movie where the actors draw blood on horseback, their weapons swords, arrows and daggers, and i'll enjoy it. but i can't stand guns. or bombs at that. i think it's the most unfair instruments of death to ever be invented. and really, i can't stand wars. i know i enjoyed braveheart, and all those lord of the ring movies, but somehow, they seemed far off enough to not switch on the waterworks. and lotr is fantasy.


so maybe i am a sap, and becoming steadily worse. i think i'm getting extremely soft-hearted. but is that a crime? must a person portray perpetual strength at all times? even in the darkened world of the movie theatre, must a person be denied the choice of weeping? haha, actually, you might argue, it is because it is only fiction that you should hold in your tears. keep your emotions in check, woman! but i'll do as i see fit. so why suppress that which could have eased my aching heart considerably.


crying, is such a mystery really. it's the best medicine sometimes. people say laughter is, but maybe crying could be a close second. what dyou think?